[cchipps]

Hi ttbies,

Why not post something on this site where everyone can see that you need someone that is still a member of the Donor Sibling Registry to contact this possible 1/2 sibling and give them your email address? I would instead spend your money on a DNA test for you and your daughter, this way it will allow your daughter to see who is a maternal relative and who is a paternal relative. Since 23andMe has increased their price significantly, I would start with DNA testing at Ancestry.com. Once you get your results you can upload both to FTDNA and see your first 20 matches. To see all your matches you would only have to pay $39. GEDmatch will allow you to upload your raw data for free and then you can see anyone else’s kits that match your daughter or yourself. That place has lots of tools to help you figure things out. There is also a place called Prometheaus where you can upload your data for $5 and get loads of health info.

I was a member of the DSR in 2006 to about 2008. Even though my daughter’s info is still there we have never had any matches. My daughter is 27 and because of DNA testing that we did in May, we found her biological father and all his family. They have yet to meet in person but have shared numerous emails, messaging and phone calls. It has been a more positive experience than she ever expected.

One other note. There are several groups on FB that will help you search after you get your DNA results. Please consider testing.

Chris

[cchipps]

Hi,
I am the mom of the 27 (almost 28 year old DCP daughter). If your husband was a good husband and father there is nothing to fear. Your children will be sad that they are not biologically connected to him but that is a good thing. Explain how you were influenced not to tell. They will understand. If your husband wasn’t a good father there will be relief because they will understand the disconnect. I don’t know your situation but it is much better to tell than to keep secrets, especially with the DNA testing available today. You will be OK as a family – just remain open and not disallow any questions. It is a difficult time but if you are open everyone will eventually accept.

Chris

[cchipps]

Hi Donna,

My daughter, now 27, and I have been searching for over 9 years. I only told her when she turned 18 but like you and others with older donor conceived children we were told to keep it a secret and with the sometimes insistance of our husbands we did. I always wanted her to know and told her the day after her birthday.
I would suggest you, your daughter and your son get your DNA tested. The tests are cheaper than they used to be but $99/kit adds up quickly. You can look for sales and it is suggested you test at all three major DNA banks, 23andMe, Ancestry and FamilyTreeDNA. We did 23andMe first and we were happy with them but many of the people there only did it for health test results when they were offered and want no further contact with others. My suggestion is to choose Ancestry first, then you can upload your raw dna to FamilyTreeDNA for $39 (versus the $99) and upload to GEDmatch for free. At GEDmatch you will find matches from all three companies but only from others that have uploaded their kits. You can get on all the sites and join their forums and for whatever DNA testing site you haven’t paid for ask people who are donor conceived to upload their results to GEDmatch if they haven’t already. The thing to keep in mind is it might not be a 1/2 sibling or the donor that has tested but you may find close and distant relatives of the donor and through genealogy discover who the donor is. Some people are lucky right away but I suspect most have to do some digging. We haven’t struck gold yet but have found 3-4th cousins on the donor’s maternal and paternal sides that are very experienced genealogists and have bent over backwards to help us. DNA testing is becoming less and less expensive and more and more people are utilizing it so even if it takes a few years it will be well worth the wait. I wish I had chosen to do this sooner. (PS – the picture is my daughter, I’m in my 60’s).

Hope this information helps.

Chris

[cchipps]

Kisha,

I would be very happy if you friended me. You might not take the same stance as I do but I cherish knowing everyone in this community. Everyone has the right to speak their feelings about this practice.

Chris

[cchipps]

Thanks for letting me know. I think dialog between all the members in the donor conception community is important even if it becomes heated at times. I used to be one of the moms that thought some of the adult donor conceived were somewhat outrageous with their comments and thoughts. I am now one of their greatest supporters. Everyone deserves the right to know who you are related to, medically and genetically. I would be very happy if anonymity was banned and disclosure mandatory. It took me a while to come to this stance but it was because I read as much as I could from every point of view.

[cchipps]

Thanks, Admin. Sorry I’ve been absent. Bought a new car using 401(k) funds (it’s OK – I don’t get penalized after 59-1/2, just have to pay taxes). I am loving it. It has all the bells and whistles even though it isn’t something horribly expensive. My husband and I are really happy with the purchase so I’ve been busy learning about OnStar, remote start, links, etc…

[cchipps]

More questions. Every time I choose the most recent memberships I get the most recent but after I click on one and return, it reverts to most recent active and not back to most recent memberships. Any way to change it so it allows a searcher to go to the next “newest” member?

Yes, I am checking everyone out to verify they aren’t a potential match to my daughter.

Thank you whether or not you can fix this.

Chris

[cchipps]

More questions.

1. How do I close a forum topic if it is no longer valid?
2. If I have an article, document, etc. that is something I want people to see first within a topic, how do I post it? It is something I have on my own computer/pad. Is there something I can do and if so, what is it.

Thanks,

Chris

[cchipps]

Found the post by Gwines. There is no connection. Blood type is wrong. Thanks to Matt for helping me figure out how to do a better search.

[cchipps]

Hi Kenza,

I know several Australians through the online donor community, mostly adult donor conceived but I also have corresponded with a former egg donor and sperm donor. I really have to get myself and daughter’s DNA done. I think that is the only way to search.

Have you had your DNA tested yet?

Chris

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