DonorChildren

Your questions sound like something Wendy Kramer would come up with, like AI-D didn’t happen before 1970 and donor children always knew of their origin. Are you interested in hearing from those conceived in the 1940s, 50s, and 60s, when the sperm was fresh, only heterosexual married couples were considered for the procedure, parents were told nothing about the donor, and were told to lie to their children about their origins? A few of us were told at some point, most others had no clue until they or one of their children did a DNA test and unexpected close matches showed up. Our experience was rather different than that of turkey baster babies, so is probably not relevant to your research. I think your study would be far more interesting carried out on those conceived in the earlier period.

1) Have you had any contact with your donor? If so, is it person-to-person, by telephone, or online? What kind of relationship do you have with him? One meeting only? Occasional? Cordial? Strained? Close? Would you describe it in some other way?

We have exchanged emails only. He had me talk to a “friend” of his over the phone who happened to be an adoption attorney and it seemed like he was open to a phone conversation himself, but he backed out at the last minute and agreed to answer brief medical history questions once a year. We have no other relationship, though I’d love to have one, and on my best days I’m hopeful that something will change for the better.

2) What term do you use to refer to your donor? Father? Dad? Daddy? Donor? Some other term? No term at all?

He is my biological father.

3) Is your mother a single mother, or does she have a lesbian or male husband/partner who was in your household as you grew up? If the latter, what term do you use to refer to that person?

At the time I was conceived (1977), my mother was married to my “birth certificate father,” which is how I distinguish him from my biological father. If I’m referring to the past, I’ll call him my dad, but he left my life when I was a teenager so I don’t call him anything now.

Best of luck with your research,
Amanda

Hi there!

1) I have only had online contact with my donor. He was eager and excited at first, but then had cold feet and backed away. Then, he was diagnosed with cancer and died a few months later. It was unfortunate timing, as I never got to meet him. He did write me a final email to apologize if he had hurt me, state that he was proud of my accomplishments, and invite me to visit his grave in the future.

2) Donor, or biological father. I also addressed and referred to him by his first name.

3) My mother was married to my dad, or Daddy (social father, if people don’t know me) while I was growing up. They never divorced.

Hope that helps!

1) Have you had any contact with your donor? If so, is it person-to-person, by telephone, or online? What kind of relationship do you have with him? One meeting only? Occasional? Cordial? Strained? Close? Would you describe it in some other way?

I have no idea who he is. I was conceived in the 1970’s before donors were tracked. He gave a sample to my mom’s Dr. and my parents were told to lie about it and never bring it up again. I would like to have the opportunity to at least talk to him- see what he’s like, do I look like him, have half siblings, have any health issues to be concerned about, etc. but so far no close relatives have appeared on the DNA sites.

2) What term do you use to refer to your donor? Father? Dad? Daddy? Donor? Some other term? No term at all?

I don’t talk about this to many people but if I do it’s usually donor or if I’m talking about medical or genealogical topics I say biological father.

3) Is your mother a single mother, or does she have a lesbian or male husband/partner who was in your household as you grew up? If the latter, what term do you use to refer to that person?

My parents are married. My dad is my dad. I just found out about this accidentally a couple of years ago at age 40 from taking a DNA test. The cognitive dissonance is difficult to process.

1.) I have had no contact with my sperm donor.

2.) When referring to my donor I usually call him my biological father or my donor father.

3.) My mother was married, her husband, my non-biological father was sterile which is why they used a sperm donor. He raised me and I refer to him as my dad.

1) I have not had any sort of contact with the sperm donor as his information was private so I have no idea who he even is. The only reason I’ve done the DNA sites was to try and figure out the roots of my nationality as well as any medical issues I might need to be on the look out for. I don’t have any interest in being buddies.. though I am admittedly interested in the donor half-sibling situation as I am an only child.

2) I just refer to him as “sperm donor” because that’s literally all he is to me.

3) My dad was unable to get my mom pregnant hence why she needed the AI with viable donor sperm. I didn’t know until I was around 23 that I wasn’t biologically related to my dad but that didn’t even matter. My dad raised me and is awesome so I call him Dad. My dad originally didn’t want to tell me as he was afraid I wouldn’t love him anymore but they sat me down and told me about as they thought it was important for me to know.

1. no contact, do not have a donor ID on him.

2. biological father

3. my mom and social dad is still together. I call him dad…